Having an Adele moment...

Excuse me for a moment while I have this because I either debate on eating a whole package of cookies or write this post..I chose not to add more fat to my stomach so here goes.

I understand that this blog is attached to my facebook but right now I don't care, I am pouring my heart out because of the horrible day I have had. 

I felt bad that my daughter had to have 4 shots though I have to say that before it happened she was all excited about getting them not knowing exactly what it pertained.

I had a talk with a guy that I fell for, harder than anyone else I met.  We stopped talking for awhile due to the fact that he tore my heart in two.  We made up through facebook messages a few months ago and then lived our lives.  I had to talk to him about some things then my feelings for him came up again and I hate it, I hate that my heart still longs for him.  I will never be with him since he's in love with someone else.  I'm trying my best to be happy for him and move on but its still hard. 

After my ex and I split I had my heart broken a lot, looking for that void that needed to be filled that my ex neglected to do because alcohol and his own business were more important.  When I met this guy I tried hard not to fall for him because of what had happened before with other guys but it was difficult for me.  I spent a lot of time with him when I wasn't working or having the kids.  I then realized you can't make someone fall in love with you and I know that from past guys that have came and gone in my life.

I now have a guy here that wants to be with me but I still am iffy because I have issues with trusting guys and this guy knows it.  He is trying but in my heart I just can't.  I guess I really am not ready to be in a serious relationship even though I want one.  Loneliness sucks but its better than getting hurt again.  There are times where I just don't get it, I never really understood why people say they are in love, I guess because when I was with my ex I thought I was in love but never really "felt" it if that makes sense.  I never really felt "in love" just the feeling of being wanted and loved.  I was married to someone who wasn't the marrying type and there are times where I think I'm not either and never was.  I want to feel that, I want to feel the butterflies and the spark and all that silly love crap.

I wish nothing but the best for him and I'm glad we are friends.  I will never have him, maybe in another life, but definitely not this one and maybe its for the best, only fate can determine that.