Ugh, my blog posts

Are not as fun as they used to be..I used to post funny pics and be (somewhat) popular on Entrecard.  Ok, so my goal for the next week is to be more positive in life and my posts and be more upbeat.

Ready?

Go!

I'll never be mom of the year

But at least I don't go out drinking and going crazy the nights they are with me.  I'm not perfect, I will never be perfect but don't tell me my downfalls when clearly you have your own.  I can name a list of things that made me the way I am today but I won't because thats not the kind of person I am, I blast people who deserve to be blasted.  I'm not calling anyone out or putting the blame on anyone but I do know this, I try damn hard to be the best mom I can be, putting me down doesn't make you a better mother, it makes you look like an ass.  Bitching to others about me is not right either.  You have just as many faults as I do but I admit mine.  I will never be perfect, I will never be mom of the year, but I think I am doing my best and thats all I can say.

Letting myself breathe and get some things out

I have suffered from anxiety since about the age of 18.  It has taken most of my life away from me, the life I wished I had.  You lose your independence and your enjoyment of life.  I had been on many different meds to try and tackle this but it took more than medication to get over this.  I met my now ex husband when I was 19 and he learned everyday how it effected me.  I couldn't drive and I was afraid of everything.  You don't know what its like not being able to enjoy the things you want to do, everything is scary, you are even afraid of yourself sometimes.  I used to be in and out of the ER because my anxiety would give me chest pains, I would literally think I was having a heart attack.  Sensations through my body would give me scary thoughts like "Am I dying?"  I hope that there is a cure for this, among all the other things that affect our lives of course.  This condition takes away your enjoyment for life, your emotional relationships with others, your overall happiness.  I pray for the day that it leaves me and never returns.

My weird obsession

I wouldn't really call it an obsession but I guess I love the idea of having a secret admirer so to speak.  I occasionally..ok..all the time..go to missed connections on Craigslist to see if anyone has a secret crush on me.  I guess its just one of those things that I secretly wish for.  I know some people would think that would be weird but I think its kinda cute. 

What are your secret obsessions?

Putting on the big girl panties

So I bought a car, I kinda had to since my hunk o junk decided to turn into Lake Michigan.  The rear window likes to roll down by itself and we had a bad thunderstorm last night so it decided that it wanted to be a lake and not a vehicle to take myself to work and take the kids to school when mom wants to sleep in they miss the bus.  I miss the fact that it was big and I could fit quite a few people in it but I won't miss it when it rains and it smells like wet dog.  There is a list of things I won't miss about it but I had some good times in it not that going to Austin was that great but it was a good car for the 2 years I did have it. 

My anxiety is the fact that I now have a car payment and a higher car insurance payment.  No worries, I just need to budget, take out things I don't need and just learn to prioritize my life.  I won't go into the massive amounts of spending when I was married but I don't have someone dipping into the money either(I was bad also so I don't only blame one party).  I know exactly how much is there and exactly what I need to do to get on my feet.  Its going to be hard but I can do it, my negative attitude is slowly diminishing and I am going to be a new me.

Its been awhile

Since I did a Mama Kat Writers workshop and one of the prompts jumped out at me because it really goes with how it helped me relax more...

What was the occasion? Write about the last time you stayed in a hotel.

 

I was having such a crappy week, I had just pretty much started a new job and had been impatiently waiting for my tax refund.  I was hoping to go out and have fun with my friends so I checked my account to see if I had at least a 20 to my name.  I logged on to my account and I about jumped out of my seat..

It finally arrived!

 So the one thing I did was text my friend and I said "you and I are staying at the Hilton!"  He calls me and was like "What?"  I said "I just got my taxes and I want to stay at a hotel for the night, get room service and relax!"  I went on the website to see the accommodations and such and I was psyched when I saw that everything I needed for pure relaxation was there.  I booked it online, went to pick him up and checked in.  When we got in I had to play with the soft/firm knob on the side of the bed, I put it all the way on soft and just laid there, it was sooo nice!  

The next morning was a wonderful breakfast of eggs, bacon, waffles, muffins, ect and we indulged.  It was the best time.  I would highly recommend staying at one of these hotels if you need some time "away" so to speak.  We were sad to leave that amazing soft bed but it was nice while it lasted!

It wasn't any occasion it was just something I needed to get away and relax for the night.

Army wives and wth is wrong with our soldiers?

But since I ended my army wife title I witness each day as to why I did not get along with most of my fellow army wives.  I can repeat myself over and over like a broken record but it still doesn't seem like it gets through to most of their heads.  I smh at our soldiers and I get it, you guys are lonely but really, is it really worth it marrying someone who does nothing but bitch, sit on their butts, and spend your money?  I see this at Home Depot every day.  I actually checked out one wife who spent over 300 dollars on plants and flowers.  As I'm talking to her she says he hates it but apparently she does something great in the bedroom for him to let her continue this addiction..she says "its his problem" if he hates her outlandish spending.  I don't get it.  I remember that I had my spouts of being an OSMW (overly sensitive military wife).  I think every military wife has those moments but theres a point between having an occasional spout and having one every damn day.  Living in the biggest post in the world is not only frustrating but it makes the good army wives look horrible.  I go out as a single girl and smh at these wives who make utter fools of themselves, grinding on soldiers, doing things that would make their husbands throw divorce papers at their nasty selves.  These things go on every day and I see it.  When I was on the POF site I met a few separated guys and a few unhappily married guys..all soldiers.  I don't get that either. 

These things will go on and I'm sure won't ever stop unless we help these wives because obviously they are doing these things for attention.  If I become a Marine wife I will have to deal with the same things also and all we can do is give support even if we want to wring their necks sometimes!